How to Help Your Child Deal With Cyberbullying

Cyber-bullying is the act of using the Internet or digital devices with the intent of hurting a person or group.

Cyber-bullying is one of the main dangers of having access to the online world. A 2013 survey by TOUCH Community Services found that one in four secondary school students admitted to bullying their classmates online, and one in three were victims of cyber-bullying. One in five primary school children also reported being cyber-bullied. The types of cyber-bullying reported were very varied, from sending someone mean messages anonymously to ‘defacing’ their photo and spreading it online.

In Singapore, cases of cyber-bullying have increased over time since more kids and teenagers have their own phones and social media accounts, giving them a greater opportunity to cyber-bully. This is very worrying since the impact of cyber-bullying can as real as bullying in the offline world: people feel hurt, lonely, and embarrassed, and might even become so scared of school that they try to avoid it – which has a real impact on their grades and social lives. As parents, it is important to mentor your child so that they are not involved in cyber-bullying, and monitor them so that you can spot if they are.

What are examples of cyber-bullying?

• Hurtful messages, texts, or emails
• Embarrassing photos or videos
• Excluding someone online
• Spreading false rumours about someone online

How can I tell if my child is being cyber-bullied?

• Changes in their sleep patterns
• Poorer physical health
• Changes in personality, like becoming more withdrawn, angry, or anxious
• School grades suffering
• Changes in social circles, like losing many friends
• Sudden lack of desire to go to school or societies
• Upset after using their phone or going online
• Becoming secretive about their phone use

My child is being cyber-bullied. What can I do?

• Start a conversation: talk to them and keep an eye on their online and offline behaviour
• Be open: if you want them to be honest, you need to reassure them that nothing bad will happen and that you won’t restrict their access to the Internet just because they’ve told you about their problem
• Support them: remind them that they did not ask to be bullied, that it is not their fault, and that there is a difference between ‘banter’ and ‘bullying’ – if someone is putting them down and hurting them, it is bullying
• Manage the situation: in the shorter term, encourage your child not to retaliate to the messages, and to block or unfriend the bully
• Save the evidence: if the messages or posts are online, save or screenshot them
• Report the bully: most social networking sites have the option to report content
• Turn to the school: if the cyber-bullying involves another student of the school, or other teaching institutions like a tuition centre, approach a teacher or school as they likely have a policy in place to handle such issues
• Approach the other parent: if there is no mediator to approach, like if the cyber-bully is a neighbour or family friend, approach the other child’s parent with the evidence – keep the meeting private, respectful, and keep your tone calm and un-accusatory so as not to escalate the situation

The cyber-bullying material is still online!

• Report all hurtful or embarrassing messages, posts, photos, and videos on the social media site that it happened on: the social media sites should remove these posts within 2 days
• Save the evidence of the cyber-bullying: save messages, keep screenshots of chats, and download photos and videos for evidence if you later make a complaint
• Block the cyber-bully: block them on all sites that they can contact your child so that, while the material is being removed, they cannot reach them
• Report the cyber-bully to the authorities: speak to your child about the option of making a police report or talking to a lawyer

I think I need professional help. Where can I go?

There are several organisations that can help you if the cyber-bullying your child faces is severe or involves sexual harassment of any kind. Here are some:

• Coalition Against Bullying for Children and Youth (CABCY) – for advice on cyber-bullying
  Phone: 6223 3122
  Email: ask@cabcy.org.sg
  
• TOUCH Cyber Wellness – for help on a range of cyber wellness issues
  Phone: 1800 377 2252
  Email: cyberwellness@touch.org.sg
  Fei Yue Community Services – for practical and emotional guidance for youth
  Phone: 6422 1599
  Email: project180@fycs.org
  
• Help123 – hotline for youth cyber wellness issues
  Phone: 1800 6123 123
  Email: hello@help123.sg
  
• Tinkle Friend – hotline for primary-school aged children
  Phone: 1800 2744 788
• Samaritans of Singapore – for emotional support for suicide-related issues
  Phone: 1800 221 4444
  Email: pat@sos.org.sg
  Website: https://www.sos.org.sg
  
• Community Justice Centre – for practical and emotional support, and in-person legal advice
  Phone: 6557 4100
  Email: help@cjc.org.sg
  Website: https://cjc.org.sg
  
• The Legal Aid Bureau (LAB) – for legal services for Singaporeans and PRs
  Phone: 1800 225 5529
  Website: https://www.mlaw.gov.sg/content/lab
  
• AWARE (Association of Women for Action and Research) – for counselling and legal advice for women
  Phone: 1800 777 5555
  Email: helpline@aware.org.sg
  Website: http://aware.org.sg

I suspect that my child is a cyber-bully. What can I do?

• Keep your cool: it can be upsetting to find out that your child is able to hurt anyone, especially if another parent has approached you with evidence, but stay calm and do not jump to conclusions
• Talk to your child: ask questions like, “How would you feel if you were left out of games?”
• Be open: if you want them to be honest, you need to reassure them that you will not judge their behaviour or immediately restrict their access to the Internet because of their behaviour (that can come later)
• Support your child: remind them that there is a difference between ‘banter’ and ‘bullying’, and that if they are putting someone down and hurting them they are bullying – encourage them to be honest about their behaviour and apologise to those they have bullied
• Talk about consequences if they continue: discuss with your child appropriate punishment if they continue their behaviour, such as not allowing them to use their phone for a day for every mean comment
• Ask them to apologise: an important way for your child to take responsibility for their actions is to apologise to their victims and to remove any content they put online
• Praise your child: pay attention to the changes they are making to behave better
• Spend time with them: find activities where your child will feel more successful and good about themselves, then take part in these with them
• Talk to the school: if the cyber-bullying involves another student, approach the school to find additional support – most schools have a policy in place to handle such issues